Christmas is coming up, and I totally love love love this season (a passion I share with my dear neighbour MorningBerryz, check out her post "My most favorite♥ season～＊of the year" if she is your neighbour too). It's so filled with nice things like candles and sparkle and gingerbread cookies and cosy family gatherings.

I can't wait for it!

But, there is a small "problem" with this season too (very small really, not at all big enough to make me dislike it even a little, but still one that warrants some attention), and this is the food. Well...not the food itself, it's wonderful (I especially like the candy), but rather the fact that it's not very healthy, and that you eat so much of it. During a period of time that's a little too long for it to be good.

I always gain weight over Christmas and New years. Every single year I know that it's going to happen, but still it happens yet again. Because I figure that it's only once a year, I am free from school and having fun with my family and friends and I deserve to enjoy it...
...Which is a justified feeling I think, not one I would want to get rid of (Christmas should be enjoyed, as much as possible for as long as possible), but I would be a little happier if I didn't need to hate my figure every year after the whole wonderfulness has ended.

And that's why I am going to have sort of a "Pre-Christmas diet" period this year (well not diet per se, more like healthy eating and exercise, but you know what I mean). Because if I manage to loose some weight before the holidays it shouldn't matter as much if I gain some, since I in that case would gain back to what I am now (which I feel basically okay about, at least). And so I wouldn't need to feel the I-have-to-loose-weight-panic that I get after holidays and vacations.

That makes sense, right?

Well I think it does at least, so does anyone have any tips?
Because in my constant quest to loose weight I will take every single one that you have to give me to heart. 

(It's been some time since I wrote a diet post, and I think many of you might be annoyed that it's back - I would probably be - and I'm sorry about that. But well it's important to me, so I had to write it anyway)
                                                                                                                        

Oh well...to move on to the next topic of today...

I'm getting the Vaccine for the new flue (H1N1) tomorrow. It's free for every citizen in Sweden (perhaps it's free in other countries as well, I wouldn't know), and the students of Lund (and other university cities) are prioriticed so there's not a whole lot of people who's gotten it before us.

Which I guess is because there is a lot of people socialising with a lot of people in the university world, and they wouldn't want 42.000 students to lay at home sick.
It's smart I think (a resonable way to think if you ask me), but I'm mostly happy that I'm getting the vaccin because I'm somewhat a hobby hypochondriac and would totally manage to convince myself  that I was dying if I got this new flue.

Of course I am also a worrier, and so I am a little scared of possible side-effects of the vaccine, but I figure it's better to worry about them because it's a lot smaller risk to get them than to get the flue. And besides I wouldn't want to get sick and than give the illness to someone that's already sick in something else or just generally weak...and then they die because they got this shit from me. No, the vaccine is a better alternative.
                                                                                                                           

And that was all for now I think.

Oyasuminasai mina-san! (^ _ ^) Matane!

Sure I fill my days with more serious studies, I live on my own and do things like wash and buy groceries and pay bills and I entertain myself with adult things like alcohol and staying out all night (well not all night, but you get the picture right?)...

...but still I feel so much more like a child than I did back when I was like 14-15-16.

Does that sound strange?
Well I know that it might, so I'll explain it to you (or I'll attempt to at least...)

Back then (when I was 14-16, or something like that), everything was terribly serious. I took myself very seriously, my studies was the world I lived in and every acting silly or showing a potentially quirky side was out of the picture. Because it was so important to be the good one, the one that had it all figured out and that you could go to with all academic questions...In my school I was the head of the student council and a member or the board for school issues together with teachers and the headmaster.

And I thought I had it all figured out. I knew what my opinion was on most important issues, I had an idea of the world; of what you did and didn't do, of what I did and didn't do. It all seemed to be in order, I figured that I pretty much knew how things worked. I was controlled and ordered and would probably have taken care of a "household" (if you can call it that when it's just me) in a much more organized way than I do now.

I am happy that I was like that then. There is no part in my life that I would take back, because every single moment has taught me something and above all every single moment has taken me to where I am now. But being like that then makes it that much clearer how different it is from who I am now.

That girl didn't play like I do now. That girl didn't laugh at silly things in the same way or say stuff that might sound stupid just because she didn't think before she opened her mouth. She didn't let herself being ecstatic because she saw a hare in the grass when she was on a walk or smile even though a test might not have went exactly as great as she hoped.

It took some time but I know now that it's fine to not be the best all the time. I still hate it a little but I have learned not to let it get to me, to be more free.

To be more like a child, not worrying about things so much. There is a tomorrow for some things, sometimes it's all right to just be in the moment and not obsess about everything that should be or that isn't. It's not a weakness to let someone else be better or to let people see you for the one you really are. It makes me happy to be open and talkative and sometimes say downright odd or dumb things, and I know now that it's fine if people see that. You don't have to be serious and smart all the time.

So there you pretty much have it. I hope I have been able to explain it to someone. That this is why I think I am More of a Child now than I was when I was younger.

Because I can be effortlessly happy.

I can be myself in the moment. 

And when it happens it's a joy of someone much more innocent.

*Yawn*

Hi guys.

It's night in Sweden and I am getting quite sleepy actually.

Nightlights

Granted I took a power-nap that was like one hour long this afternoon, but still I have been up since 7 this morning (which is early for me, I've gotten used to sleeping qiute a lot longer than that)...

...so I think I have the right to be a little ..*yawn*

Ne?

It has been quite a busy week after all, I think I need my rest (ha ha, or my beauty sleep you might say...considering how I look in the mornings >_<).

...which is why I'm going to sleep now.

Oyasuminasai mina-san (^ _ ^) Matane

Good evening guys.

First of all I'd like to say thanks to everyone that's been so concerned about me and my (rather stubborn) cold.
It's getting better now, a lot better...I'm just waiting for the sniffles to go away completely so I can feel like myself again. There's a lot of work in school now so it could really not have come at a worse time. But...as I said luckily it's passing now so it's aaaall good.

Anyway I'm relaxing in front of the tv at the moment. Friends is on, Ross is playing rugby and it pretty much looks like it would if I would try to (not good that is). Ha ha! I've seen the episode a million times but it never really gets old. 

Also I'm fixing my nails. The picture didn't turn out so good (it was difficult taking a nice one with so much zoom), but I suppose you can pretty much see what color it is. It's called Madras (yes, as in the city)...I don't know why but that doesn't really matter does it (?). No matter what it's called I like it, because it's all red and Christmasy ^_^

,.,, Nailpolish

I love juice!

Ha ha I know that was sort of random (well really random even), but I really do. And also the juice I'm having is suppose to have like extra vitamins and bacteries and stuff...which I'm hoping will speed up the process of kicking out the cold even a little more.

It's 8 p.m here, in case someone was wondering. And I'm gonna get back to my nails now.

Ki o tsukete mina-san! (^ _ ^) Matane! 

"Dead fish go with the flow... but I'm not dead yet."
                                                 - Anonymous

How come when I'm completely well I can sit in the sofa for hours and hours, but when I'm not and actually should rest I get annoyed after about half an hour?
Sitting still is suddenly the worst thing; I feel useless and bored and I'm not even close to being tired enough to take a nap (which we all know usually is my favourite pastime). I want to be responsible and sit still with a cup of tea and a fruit (or something like that) but... 

.,..,

...I'm really terrible at being sick (well I'm not so much sick as having a cold, but whatever...), I hate "taking care of myself" in that way. Because that means admitting that I am sick, and that's something I've never been able to do (not even as a kid). See I see that's admitting weakness. And I hate that (I'm messed up I know...) 

So I'm reluctantly sitting still, watching "The biggest looser" on tv and bitching to you guys about it. My throat hurts and I think I might have a little bit of a fever (don't have a thermometer though, so I can't be sure) but over all I don't feel that bad.   

Which is why I want to do something...which I shouldn't. Gah. I hate this.

There's a chill in the air. Show us your favorite coat.
Submitted by jacolily.

Winter coat

Konnichiwa mina-san!
How are you?

I'm...well mentally I am good, physically I'm battling a fall/winter cold that took a hold of me because I've been outside in the cold with only a thin jacket (that frankly is for spring and not winter). Which is why I'm planning on locking myself inside the apartment all day...
....To not infect anyone else, but above all because I look like hell when I'm not feeling well. And we don't want the poor unknowing people of the rest of the city to have to see that.

Anyway. Since I got up at like 11.30 or something I am still on breakfast (sort of). I'm having this juice (you can see it in the picture) called ProViva, which is suppose to be filled with good vitamins and stuff....which I hope will speed up kicking the cold out of me.  

.,.,.

I'm also reading this book (in picture above) "Japanese Women Don't Get Old or Fat" (by Naomi Moriyama and William Doyle). Dunno how much of the tips in it that I can use, since I'm a little handicapped in the kitchen and a little poor in wallet, but it was a cheap book and I figure that I can perhaps take some useful ideas from it.

Plus it's a nice looking addition to by bookcase. And we all know that I love books, so that's important ^ _ ^...
...and I'm also reading it to avoid doing my homework (it isn't going to be turned in until tomorrow anyway, so it's aaaall good).

Hi hi...I'm such a good student.

12.53 p.m. Now I really have to go brush my teeth (meh, I hate brushing my teeth, it bores me more than it should) and get on with my "shut inside the apartment" - day.

Yoi ichinichi o mina-san! (^ _ ^) Matane! 

Or really over 30.000 even, because I had to get a new visitors counter when the last one hit 10.000 (because I managed to get one that only had 4 digits). There's a lot of blogs out there that has higher counts than that, heck there's a lot of blogs out there thas has higher counts than that a day, but for me...it's a a high number. I mean it's 30 thousand hits (!), 30 thousand individual humans (or sorts of, some of you come back of course) that klick on my blog to read my thoughts about life, love, school, music, movies and other random-ness.

When I started blogging (quite a few) years back, I never thought that so much people would be interested in what's happening in my life. I've never really thought about myself as an interesting person. Not boring perhaps, I'm much to strange to be boring, but not really anything special enough to read about. My life is the one of an ordinairy teenager (well not a teenager anymore, but it was when I started), nothing I say or do is remotely special compared to some people that I know (or know of). Sure I consider myself to be farely apt at writing, but I never figured that I was good enough to make people understand my feelings just by writing them down. By some wonderful luck (or talent, I don't know what to call it) I am able to though, and I am so grateful for that. For being able to share with all of you the events that unfold in my life...at the moment and in the past.

A lot has happened during the course of "the time of 30.000 visitors". I mean maybe it doesn't seem like a lot for some of you, but for me - who has always had a failry quiet "good girl" kind of life - it is.

I got drunk for the first time. Ha ha I know, I really am that innocent (correction: I was that innocent). It was on the 3rd of april this year...20 years old I got drunk for the first time. I'd had alcohol before, on my graduation and some other times, but never been drunk drunk. Don't know if it's something to "celebrate" or not, but it was a really great night. That night I realized that alcohol is fun (in resonable quantities of course, and - for me - only on the weekends and special occasions). For a good part of my life I'd been scared of acohol, thinking that it's scary because it makes people think less and loose control. I'm such a big control freak, has always been, but that night I learned that it's okay to let go every once in a while...and I think that was good for me.

Speaking of things that was good for me...That same night I kissed a guy for the first time. Well actually I sort of made out with a guy for the first time too. Ha ha...whoops! Stuff like that is known to happen, as someone once said (about another subject, but it's a useful sentence ne?), and I don't regret it at all...Or I should say I didn't regret it back then. I still don't of course, it's just I don't think about it anymore because it was a long time ago. The person that kissed me wasn't one I had a relationship with, he was just a classmate (I know I know, it's something about me and classmates >_<), but that doesn't matter to me. Sure he will always have a special place in my heart (I don't think he knows that though), because I cherish that night as the first one when I felt desired...but I never wanted anything more from him than some affection in that precise moment. Which is what I got...and so I was quite pleased (not so pleased with the aftermath of this whole thing, but that's a terribly long story - that had almost nothing to with the incident itself and all to do with me - that you can find in another post).

Hm...what's happened more..? Oh yeah this:

I picked a direction in my life. Or something like that. Picking a direction sounds a little serious, but I guess you can (sort of) say that it was what I did. My first year at the university I studied history, which I loved and don't regret at all, but it didn't really lead me anywhere. It's not an easy thing making a carreer from that standpoint, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to either..so I had to go in a different direction. Which my mother (who I think just wanted me to stop playing around, even though she didn't say so out loud) was more than happy to help with. And that's how I ended up studying Behavioral Science, which is what I'm going to do until 2012. It feels secure to have a way to travel on, at least for a little while longer, so I'm really thankful to my mother for steering me a little (I need that, I'm to shattered on my own). Will I work as a behavioral scientist when I'm finished? ...Who the hell knows, but at the moment that's not what's important. At the momet I'm just happy doing somehthing with substance.

Oh and this last one (I couldn't think of more, even though I'm sure there are loads) some of you know about. It's a very recent development, and the post that told you was family only, but now I'm saying it here...dunno why I'm a lot more open all off a sudden, but...Well no matter, I suppose I'll be a bit exhibitionistic and just tell you. During this, "the time of 30.000 visitors", I also slept with a guy for the first time. Yup. And here's the kicker: He's a classmate too. And nope, he's not someone I have a relationship with either. Just as the one that got my first kiss this guy was someone that just happened to be there in that moment. There was alcohol in the picture once again, but not a lot, and it's not something I regret either (there's no use in regretting things, you can't take them back anyway). He's a good guy, it's not weird between us (*and we used a condom so it was safe*) and he is cute. And I'm sorry but I'm quite visually oriented so this last thing is important to me. You want them to be nice to look at. I mean honestly, the ones that says that it's only personality that's important are lying. Of course you want a good personality too, but...well you all know what I mean (right?).      

So there you go. The innocent girl that started this blog isn't gone, but she sure has changed quite a lot. I would never have thought this about myself when I moved down here last year...I never figured that I was a person capable of this much development (yeah I'm going to call it development instead of change, because that's what I think it is)...but apparently I was. He he...and I love it.

Oyasuminasai mina-san! (^ _ ^) Matane!

Do you believe that honesty is the best policy?

Hell yeah I do.
You shouldn't bs people.

But, I also believe that sometimes perhaps it's better to bend the truth a little not to hurt someone.
For example:
If a friend asked me "Do I look fat in this?" I would never ever say yes (even if I, against all odds, thought so).

But if it doesn't hurt anyone, then yeah...honesty is the best policy.