I'm a pretty independent girl...

...but people aren't made to be by themselves. We, like all the other animals, are made to be in pairs or groups. Loneliness isn't a strength, needing people make you vulnerable but also strong. With the gathered strength of the ones around you, there is nothing you can't do.

You guessed it, it's one of those posts again. It has been a while since I wrote about it, because I guess there has been other stuff that's felt more important (he he, or something, it's not like there is a lot on this blog that's important for real), but I am still as single and desperate as ever. I have hoped for change so many times, but so far nothing has happened. You know all of this, and you know that I am fine with it most of the time (it happens when it happens you know, I believe this 9 times out of 10, or maybe not that often but irregardless often enough to get by).

But you also know that there are moments when things aren't fine, when it gets a little too much for me. These moments are rare enough so that they aren't a problem and they tend to pass quite quickly, but sometimes a lingering feeling stays inside my head.

It's the summer that does it (at the moment anyway). Couples seem to be everywhere (or perhaps it's just that my brain notices them at the moment, I really couldn't tell), and they all seem to be perfectly happy. Their world seem to be in order and all their issues seems to be packed up somewhere deep inside never to be looked at again. And even though I know that this is not true, that a guy would (/does) not magically fix other issues (such as body image and stuff, you know my messed up mind so I will not get into that now) I can't help but to think that it'd help.

Also (and this might sound strange but whatever), I just want someone close. I want someone to hold me, to feel another persons body next to mine. Love is in the little things, I want that.

*Sigh* is it really too much to ask?

It's like Ella Wheeler Wilcox says:
When you laugh; the world laughs with you.
When you weep; you weep alone.

This is so true, and you never feel it as clearly when you feel like you're alone in a crowd. I have my family and I love them so much that there isn't even words for it, but it's not the same thing. Also I have my friends, and I love them too; but neither of these relationships give me what a relationship with a guy would (naturally, and not just the psycal part, but it's a different kind of connection too).

I realize as I am correcting the spelling misstakes (don't you just love spell-check?) that this post is very blue. But don't worry about me please, I am really fine. It's just my mind that plays tricks on me in the middle of the night again. Everyone is lonely sometimes, and I have wished for a boyfriend for such a long time now that I am used to the feeling. I'll be fine. Promise.

Take care guys. Matane.